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02 Mar 20 REST

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Trust yourself. Do not take  anything  personally.    This is a part of the teachings of the philosophy of ancient yoga. Amidst this truth I had a realization – I needed to  stop.    Having returned from phase 2 of military training less than a month ago, I was already on the hunt for a civilian job to supplement my reservist duties, applying for financial aid and summer college courses, and trying to take on all the normal scheduling that fell within the realms of co-parenting.  On top of that, I signed up for yoga instructor training. This was amazing, phenomenal, and brought enhancement to my meditations and practice I’d been doing for the better part of a decade. While none of this brought on any adverse effects, I had not planned for the exhaustion. After 3 weeks of hitting the gates running (literally, out of the airport, and into my sons’ arms), I knew my energy stores were depleting rapidly.   So, I had to ask myself - what were my absolutes? What had I committed
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Expensive Private Colleges - A plea to the faith community

Bloggity – Why are “Christian” Private Colleges so (damned) Expensive? 20 February 2020        So, I’m looking up which University to go to (i.e. who’s going to get my moolah from my Montgomery GI Bill), and I’m perusing to classifieds for each, and nearly spit out my coffee. $48,500 here, $52,000 there, the list goes on. Now wait a minute, I know full well these schools basically give you education discounts – in the forms of scholarships, but rarely, and I mean RARELY, do you get to go “for free.”  So, despite the “congratulations, you’ve been admitted! You’re a first time Hispanic student (no hate here, I get it, you cannot help your ethnicity – hey! Me either! #meeither), whose parents didn’t go to school and you’re Catholic and hey you don’t make anything, so today, we’re “giving you a scholarship” (er um, tuition “discount”) of $25,000! Yeaye!  Right. So now, I’ve STILL got to pay > $20,000 just for the tuition, PLUS another $20,000 for room, board, transportation, and
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The Dangers of Succeeding : Aug 17 2018

  This post was from my August 2018 Series, again with some pretty difficult findings. I was in a very dark place, both with my family and in my own head. I battled practicality in pursuing my dreams.  This post is a snapshot of the arguments and heart cries I have faced while in process of "about facing" my life. I hope you can gain some understanding or know you are not alone in the friction you may have experienced in a similar lifestyle change or pursuit of a dream (or rather alignment of heart, mind, soul, body, and spirit) in your life.      August 17, 2018 Bloggity – The Dangers of Succeeding   “You can do it! Come on Lyd! You got this!” You might have heard such encouragement throughout your childhood. My encouragement was met with equal parts of shunning & chastisement from my mother, which equated to a very confusing childhood, and an even more painful adult experience. The daughter of a narcissist / BPD, and a father who struggles with depression and anx
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From AUGUST 2018 - History Lesson

Marginalization of GORUCK women ... there IS a history lesson in here I promise!  Recently it came to my attention that perhaps one of my most beloved groups has been, and perhaps always will be guilty of that which I’ve tried to avoid most – marginalizing women.  What?! Isn’t that insane? You’d think any woman who is nutty, crazy, and courageous enough to pick up a weighted back pack and perform military physical conditioning along with a 10-15-20+ mile galivant around their town with additional challenges would hold some clout in an organization’s mind (esp. one that profits off of her signing up and showing up, sporting their gear, paying them $$$ to participate etc...). I am finding it difficult to even write this. I always viewed GORUCK as supportive of both men and women, empowering one another through tough, guided, team and endurance building activities. Suddenly, but not so much, I am reminded of a past that still permeates all venues of this country. The milita
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Musings from a "Loser" July 2018 series

July 27, 2018 Musings from a “loser” So, at 35, what do you do when you’ve been offered “help” from your family – i.e. some almost filled but mostly 30 to 40% half full glass promises to get you back into school, get you a degree, and help make you more marketable? I took the bait. Now I’m having buyer’s remorse. At  my last semester, which is approaching in fall – my parents decided to move. They house myself  and three children, and at my mother’s whim, she has told me not to take a job.  Right. That was prior to the move.  Now, enter in the daily battle of their less than sanitary exercise of leaving dishes that are dirty all over the place while they try to  clean up the house from which they have never been able to keep clean since I was 12, and you’ve got such a perfect place for me to have space to do schoolwork and have sanity.  Right. I may b e a damn snowflake for bitching about this , however,  having a s#%t hole to work out of makes for one hell of a migra
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From July 2018 - Realizations Regarding My Family

July 14, 2018 Bloggity – Realizations Regarding my Mother  As my mother’s covert comments attempted to bludgeon my past couple of days, I have had several objective realizations, the biggest one being - I need to get out ASAP. I moved back in so that I would be able to go back to school without accumulating a crap ton of debt. I'm starting to believe the debt would've been worth my sanity. Here goes with the list. 1.       My mother still has major issues with regret – hence the problem of letting “stuff” go and finding comfort in filling the house with stuff she simply never finishes or utilizes.  2.       She’s scared to complete certain projects. ON a day to day basis, and also in the case of moving. I am enjoying watching her and my father throw things out that have accumulated over the years (not my stuff    - I cleaned that crap out long ago). But daily – her mind cannot digest doing certain projects, she cannot break them down to micromanage and complete
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Immigration, from 11 July 2018

Wednesday, July 11,2018 PREFACE:   LONG POST ******READ WITH YOUR 1ST CUP OF COFFEE. FOR REAL.****** Thoughts on Trump’s immigration reform. Referenced article:  http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/ct-immigration-children-reunited-20180710-story.html# “ Justice Department lawyer Sarah Fabian said 75 of the children are eligible for release. Another 27 cannot be immediately be reunited for various reasons, she said. Some did not cross the border with their parents. Others have parents who are serving criminal sentences. Some parents have serious criminal histories, including for child abuse, and may be deemed unfit. The American Civil Liberties Union, which is representing the parents in the class-action lawsuit, said U.S. officials "have not even tried" to return 12 children to parents who were deported, and should have more quickly found and vetted eight parents who were released in the United States. Most of the parents of the youngest children
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