More & More & More
I did not expect to come up to this again. 3.5 yrs of school (for him). me hanging in, an unexpected expectancy (BB #3), and everything in between. More on-line infidelity, more care for a co-student of similar interest, and all the while I just don't care anymore. I do not have enough energy for the theological bickering desires of a 28 year old college student, the ability to work full time in a revenue cycle analysis job, raise 2.5 children, provide benefits, write the thank - you's, keep up in shape, keep the house running, and oh yes, the ever present well-wishers who stand far off and say, "Take some time for you..." . I appreciate the thought, however sweet the idea, the reality is, if I took time off:
I would not get paid, there would be no benefits for my husband & children, or myself, we would not be able to pay the bills, etc.. as my husband's part time , no taxes deducted before the end of the year paycheck go towards his degree. Not that he isn't doing a heck of a job- making the Dean's List throughout your college career while trying to be a family guy is something. I just wish he'd have been a little more selective at his major. "It's for our family." Yep, and for that cute little blondie over there & whoever else you've been talking with online. Who knows. I guess I valued honesty, but that really hasn't benefited me in the past.
I think perhaps the one particular irritant lately has been the egocentrism that I have experienced in him. God , I just hope You bring someone in his life to help him out as I cannot do. I want to raise these boys to respect, honor & love people, no matter who they are or what they've done. I would like my children to grow up and believe that they do have the potential, ability, and perseverance to seek out & do that which they would love to do - to benefit others by being their best at whatever they decide to do, whether it's music or not. My husband, has other ideas, as most well-meaning fathers do...however, your children cannot provide you with a sense of selfish accomplishment that you wish, nor can you live vicariously through them. That is abusive & harsh. There is a difference between having high hopes & also manipulating someone into being that which you desire them to be.
My husband also has ideas for me - to not go back for a 4 year degree (for me), but to obtain a non-educated degree and more of a techical degree. I truly think he has a problem feeling threatened by any amount of success or joy that I feel in being who I am called to be. Why? I guess he is still uncomfortable with himself and does not know who he is. I do, I have goals, and I want to empower my children by living out those goals & dreams.
Perhaps I am more of a visionary, however, I have worked in whatever necessary or "required" position I've needed to since I was 14. I would like to now go out and work in a field that I deisre to , have a passion for, and am gifted in. Is it possible that there are some people out there who are so threatened by another human being's potential, dreams, and optimism that they just cannot get over themselves??
More to come.
I would not get paid, there would be no benefits for my husband & children, or myself, we would not be able to pay the bills, etc.. as my husband's part time , no taxes deducted before the end of the year paycheck go towards his degree. Not that he isn't doing a heck of a job- making the Dean's List throughout your college career while trying to be a family guy is something. I just wish he'd have been a little more selective at his major. "It's for our family." Yep, and for that cute little blondie over there & whoever else you've been talking with online. Who knows. I guess I valued honesty, but that really hasn't benefited me in the past.
I think perhaps the one particular irritant lately has been the egocentrism that I have experienced in him. God , I just hope You bring someone in his life to help him out as I cannot do. I want to raise these boys to respect, honor & love people, no matter who they are or what they've done. I would like my children to grow up and believe that they do have the potential, ability, and perseverance to seek out & do that which they would love to do - to benefit others by being their best at whatever they decide to do, whether it's music or not. My husband, has other ideas, as most well-meaning fathers do...however, your children cannot provide you with a sense of selfish accomplishment that you wish, nor can you live vicariously through them. That is abusive & harsh. There is a difference between having high hopes & also manipulating someone into being that which you desire them to be.
My husband also has ideas for me - to not go back for a 4 year degree (for me), but to obtain a non-educated degree and more of a techical degree. I truly think he has a problem feeling threatened by any amount of success or joy that I feel in being who I am called to be. Why? I guess he is still uncomfortable with himself and does not know who he is. I do, I have goals, and I want to empower my children by living out those goals & dreams.
Perhaps I am more of a visionary, however, I have worked in whatever necessary or "required" position I've needed to since I was 14. I would like to now go out and work in a field that I deisre to , have a passion for, and am gifted in. Is it possible that there are some people out there who are so threatened by another human being's potential, dreams, and optimism that they just cannot get over themselves??
More to come.
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