NewClear

So I have been reading posts about difficulties of raising children, and, I have come to a single conclusion: yep. My third son, and, this is, by no means any easier. My two little ones are 4 1/2 and 2, and going through their own development as well as my 5 week old. They are all needy in many different ways. Yet I am in need also. What do I do? When people say, "Take care of yourself", I feel like saying, "okay, how & when does a mother do that?" It's like a sick joke - like a carrot on a string... except the carrot is old & tired & dried up - that's me! I am only 28, yet I feel about 40 yrs old. People tell me this "gets better," however, from what I read, children still go through complex individual psycho/social/moral development- that is the hard part for me. I can get 3 kiddos ready for preschool, church, and outings on my own, scrub my floors, fold 5 loads of laundry & vacuum with a 12 lb. newborn strapped to my chest - it's all the whining & teaching the older ones how to be kind & not push, and, recently, how not to manipulate & actually listen to each other - and me. Ha. Someone, please give me the formula for THAT one.

I had wondered why mothers of large families, or 3 kids who are now in their 50's, 60's and 70's like to say how cute & lovely my boys are, but never offer to baby sit - now I know why. They're done. They value a quiet evening spent in peace & serenity & they are not going to be duped into giving that up. Smart women they are. I guess I haven't earned my keep yet. I wouldn't trade my boys in for anything, I just forgot what I am, who I am, and I think it's still me, just with the added role of mother....I think.

I do not wish to be selfish, I just want to show my boys where they got their passion from - and how to put it to good use. I cannot manage to show them that ifI don't have any dreams, ambitions, goals , or recognition that Mom, too, is a human.