How can I make you see that I am for you? How can anyone force or make anyone do anything? That wouldn't be love - it would be the complete opposite. Twisted, tied up in chains, we both want the same.... I want you. I want to know all of you. I cannot make you be honest with me. I committed to wait for you. I will wait, and in my waiting, I will cling to the Rock. I will hide myself in the cleft, in the secret place. I will pray for you. I want so much to know who all of you is, but I cannot, by any power of my own make that happen - thank God. And, the sad part of all of this is that I see in your history, in your line, you all would like to be close to others, however, are you truly willing to expose yourself? You are willing and want others to be open with you on all frequencies, but are you willing to give all, to lay down all things & admit your sin? If not, then you become a co-dependent, always (seemingly ) putting other people above yourself - but, in realtiy, keeping a wall around yourself (a one-up & power) that no one can penetrate, even with their eyes. You (politetly) tell others to stay away, stay on the outside, but, they must let you in.... and hear your words, your wisdom, without a reference....without qualification from you of how and where you derrive such "wisdom" and "experience". Why? I wince when I write such words. Why would you tell me that you want to be clsoe and yet distance yourself so far? Why would you seek to draw me out of myself yet not let me ask the same of you? Why? What are you so fearful of? I pray for God to break in, only He can break the sin, and He knows the truth. Only He can be a truly voluntary, humble God, and help your eyes to see. I pray you see -see your true need of Him, see your need of family, of community. .... for you to be vulnerable, open, humble, nothing before a totally other-than God. Remember, that whatever you do to the least of these (including being open, honest, humble, broken, in authentic community), you have done it unto me.....
02 Mar 20 REST
Trust yourself. Do not take anything personally. This is a part of the teachings of the philosophy of ancient yoga. Amidst this truth I had a realization – I needed to stop. Having returned from phase 2 of military training less than a month ago, I was already on the hunt for a civilian job to supplement my reservist duties, applying for financial aid and summer college courses, and trying to take on all the normal scheduling that fell within the realms of co-parenting. On top of that, I signed up for yoga instructor training. This was amazing, phenomenal, and brought enhancement to my meditations and practice I’d been doing for the better part of a decade. While none of this brought on any adverse effects, I had not planned for the exhaustion. After 3 weeks of hitting the gates running (literally, out of the airport, and into my sons’ arms), I knew my energy stores were depleting rapidly. So, I had to ask myself - w...
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