Somber

I go back and forth, like in pong. Why now? This isn't fair. But then, I should've taken things more seriously back then...I didn't. Now, I'm left here. God, do I love him, what, what do I do? Now I have to teach my little ones how to deal with adversity. My life isn't included now. I am out of the picture. What a paradox. It's not about me, only how I respond. I want to leave. I don't want to try and "see past" the differences. You said you were someone, that you believed something. I thought you did. I made a decision based on what I knew. My trust betrayed, and now, I am bombarded not just by mere "perceptions" that we hold different; it's the very basis of our unity that's in question. This is not some small, trivial thing. I pray and hope & wish that you'd be able to see how far you've roamed away. I thought I was the one who was mad. I find now that I have been thrown closer to the One to whom I owe my life. Every day I think that we talk & make progress, but then, I hear ideals in your heart that are in direct opposition to the truth. The sad part is, you either choose to or cannot see that these lies are lies . I could not either, until I was on my death bed. But, along the way of forming lies & deceptions & believing in deceit, I still knew the Truth. That's how I recovered. Otherwise I would not be here typing to you now. God, help him hear me, hear my heart & voice. If he cannot hear me, let him hear You. That's all that matters. Let him hear you. I step aside. I have tried, I am ineffective. Please move me & bring Your voice. I cannot be silent; let my silence & somberness bring reality.