Alone-ness?


This week I am experiencing the challenges of re-training my toddler. It's difficult. Kev & I went away for a couple days for a marriage- rebuilding vacation, and the boys went with my mother. I know it's difficult for Elijah to adjust back to "normal" life, especially when that life includes me being away at work. It wouldn't be such a difficult adjustment, save that I am such a worker/task oriented person, that when I get home, the first thing I do is fold clothes, or have to clean something up, or I feel things are going out of control. This, in turn, leads to little or no time spent just sitting, reading, or showing Elijah much in the way of individual attention. Before I know it, Samuel has awoken, and I'm off to feed him, then fix our dinner & clean up what I will during that time. I guess there are things that can be left, but there's such a drive inside of me to have everything in its place. Perhaps it's because where we live is not ours, but someone else's house. One thing I know, I must see that Elijah is okay, and in order to that, I have to spend time with him. Just as we need time with our heavenly Father. I am also feeling the inevitable unnerving shaking of things to come - the school year. I am scared that Kev will "cease to exist" in a sense. Yes, he will be around in body (of which I am constantly reminded by most of the family), and mind...but, you see,I am after his heart. I can't help it, I am a hopeless romantic. I also love to give love through encouragement, and, when my encouragement is not received, to me that's as much as saying "go away now". This happens a lot during the school year, when Kev is most critical of himself (he's a musician , they all have a drive to do the most excellent they possibly can, and then push themselves to the next level after that). God, I need strength to get through this year. I do not want "me" in the way of what great & marvelous things the Lord has for our family in this upcoming season. I am going to be on my knees this year, for sure. Anyone want to join me?

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