Post Modern Relationships , June of 2018

June 23, 2018

Bloggity – Relationships with a Modern WomanOr Adventures in Dating in the Post-Modern Era

It begins with a swipe left for no, swipe right for yes.  20 something swipes, either way, I was developing my own algorithm so that each time I logged back in, a new hundred or so potentials would pop up on my screen. Some days, it was merely to occupy my time, other days I would read what the men actually had to say. Some days, It was man after man stating they were “single, and ready to mingle”, or “Netflix and chill” or simply a screen name of “W3tS3t”. Really. This is what the new realm of “dating” was? I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples in disbelief. At least the twenty somethings were genuine right off the bat. They wanted sex. Nothing else. No B.S. Just raw, carnal, mating.  It wasn’t out of the ordinary. The two twenty somethings I encountered were generous with me, buying me at least a drink and allowing me to talk for three or four hours. That was as intimate as they got. Great physical performance, without question. However, the same result – feeling empty, disillusioned. As if this new type of mating ritual is the way it’s supposed to be. As if this is all the new norm and acceptable. Many, to their credit, did try to create and complete out legitimate profiles. These guys may or may not want something truly legitimate.  I’ve experienced the man who is all chemistry first, and whether or not “we break up I the end,” he has gotten at least something out of our experience. You see, I’ve also engaged in this type of relationship. The outcome is that the guy comes out of it “as an adult,” ha. Really. Meaning we had a good couple of talks and managed to go deeper on a couple different levels that the twenty something year olds, and hey, you got a good couple of months’ worth of sex. I agree, right, it’s a little beyond f#$k buddy stage, but still, lacks legitimacy.   All of the rigmarole that is dating, can leave a woman seriously questioning “where all the cowboys have gone?”, pretty fortuitously. I’ve noticed more and more divorced women buying into the social structure of what the new norm is on social media and dating apps and websites, while still others peruse a seemingly endless stream of dating cycles as though it were the next epoch of climate change, never realizing they are just treading the same ocean but in a different peak or trough of a season.  How the heck to you change?  Get the fuck out of the boat. Start swimming. But prior to that, you need to set your coordinates.  Because, the ocean is vast, and has varying depths depending where you are. That’s just the ocean. You, as a person, also come with your own deal breakers, breaking points within your breathing system, or  your bad days where you have to dead man gloat. .. but you know, it’s one hell of a ride. You build resilience, learn how to build your own boat, set up  badass navigation, and sail the high seas  better, with more wisdom and skill. Did I mention you learn how to enjoy the damn journey?  With each and every relationship I’ve said no to, or let go of, or allowed the arrogant and moodier-than-a-three-year-old on a post nutty bar anti-nap crusade to have the last word, the more I’ve been able to turn the bow of my ship , set a course, and hoist the sails.  I would not trade what I have learned from every relationship to have not experienced all of the intricacies human relationships provide. I also understand there’ve been a handful of relationships that provided meaning and growth that others simply couldn’t have.