Lydee Central

Why is it when you give yourself away people always try to take up power over you???? I loved you with all I had, and now you think you're the "master of your roost".....that's not what love is supposed to do. That's not how it works, you're supposed to lay down your life because your heart has been touched and is amazed and happy and humble that someone else could love yo u so much. Instead, you set up control factors and conditions. I hate this, this is not love, it's control

My Check in for the day , would in clude that I feel fearful, vulnerable, broken , crushed. I know and am realizing the depth of my need. Even the heart of my beloved fails. We all fail. We choose to hurt each other. As long as we keep running , we deceive ourselves. God thank You that You are constant. I want to run into You. I want to hide in the Cleft Of the Rock, under the Shadow of the Most High, where death nor life can separate me from Your life. I have been struggling with my part of this journey. God, help me. Even when the one who we're supposed to be one with (on this earth, in this life) does not want that, and rejection flourishes, I will abide under Him. I am not second in His eyes. He is not second in my eys. Christ will remain first. He is the author of my life, He has set His seal upon my heart. Emptyhanded, but alive in Your hands God, I am . Humbled by the love that You give. God help me to forgive as You forgave me. Help me to release him to You, fully, complete...

I am in the process of letting go. I can't speak into your life. When I do, I am accused of judging your heart. I am the one who is supposed to be the closest to you, and the one whom you are to allow to give you the warning signs. You become more upset & defensive, and are "quick to judge" my heart (saying always that I am angry & upset). I cannot make you want certain things that are good & right & true. There was a time where you would've agreed with me. There was a time we stood together on these matters - only, I was the one under the 'scope. I listened, patiently, and with much interest....even if I was accused of something that may not have been true about my heart, I listened, and took it as counsel. That is the only reason I am alive today. And you were the one to speak into my life. There is a wall here, and I do not know if I am able to get through....I cannot make this wall be torn down. There's no door...just a wall. There is a par...

How can I make you see that I am for you? How can anyone force or make anyone do anything? That wouldn't be love - it would be the complete opposite. Twisted, tied up in chains, we both want the same.... I want you. I want to know all of you. I cannot make you be honest with me. I committed to wait for you. I will wait, and in my waiting, I will cling to the Rock. I will hide myself in the cleft, in the secret place. I will pray for you. I want so much to know who all of you is, but I cannot, by any power of my own make that happen - thank God. And, the sad part of all of this is that I see in your history, in your line, you all would like to be close to others, however, are you truly willing to expose yourself? You are willing and want others to be open with you on all frequencies, but are you willing to give all, to lay down all things & admit your sin? If not, then you become a co-dependent, always (seemingly ) putting other people above yourself - but, in realtiy, keeping a...

"The Hardest Part" And the hardest part Was letting go, not taking part Was the hardest part And the strangest thingWas waiting for that bell to ring It was the strangest start I could feel it go downBittersweet, I could taste in my mouth Silver lining the cloudOh and I I wish that I could work it out And the hardest part Was letting go, not taking part You really broke my heart And I tried to sing But I couldn’t think of anything And that was the hardest partI could feel it go down You left the sweetest taste in my mouth You're a silver lining the clouds Oh and I Oh and I I wonder what it’s all about I wonder what it’s all about Everything I know is wrong Everything I do, it's just comes undone And everything is torn apart Oh and it’s the hardest part That’s the hardest part Yeah that’s the hardest part That’s the hardest part

I go back and forth, like in pong. Why now? This isn't fair. But then, I should've taken things more seriously back then...I didn't. Now, I'm left here. God, do I love him, what, what do I do? Now I have to teach my little ones how to deal with adversity. My life isn't included now. I am out of the picture. What a paradox. It's not about me, only how I respond. I want to leave. I don't want to try and "see past" the differences. You said you were someone, that you believed something. I thought you did. I made a decision based on what I knew. My trust betrayed, and now, I am bombarded not just by mere "perceptions" that we hold different; it's the very basis of our unity that's in question. This is not some small, trivial thing. I pray and hope & wish that you'd be able to see how far you've roamed away. I thought I was the one who was mad. I find now that I have been thrown closer to the One to whom I owe my life. Eve...

Since I last wrote much has happened. My life has gone topsy-turvy, upside - down, back-around, inside-out and then some. My calm in the midst of the storm? Well, I think it's obvious..................... He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide underneath the shadow of the Almighty God. Joy and pain, in sun and rain, He's the same, He never lets go...... My hope is found in Thee and my comfort unwavering. My soul will thirst for the Living God alone. I hope none of this is too heavy for my blog. It seems to be okay though, as not many people read this ;-). One day again there will be light-heartedness. Just now, I am going through an intense season in my life. My leaves are turning from green, but into all the most beautiful colors. My old self is transforming into something new - I am preparing for the winter - spiritually, practically. I have been moved to much silence aft...